Giggles near a plane!

Whilst I’m at it, some equally well travelled quotes from the flight crews of Quantas airlines. Ninjad from

Q: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
A: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Q: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
A: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Q: Something loose in cockpit.
A: Something tightened in cockpit.
Q: Dead bugs on windshield.
A: Live bugs on back-order.
Q: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
A: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Q: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
A: Evidence removed.
Q: DME volume unbelievably loud.
A: DME volume set to more believable level.

Q: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
A: That’s what friction locks are for.
Q: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
A: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Q: Suspected crack in windshield.
A: Suspect you’re right.
Q: Number 3 engine missing.
A: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Q: Aircraft handles funny.
A: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Q: Target radar hums.
A: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Q: Mouse in cockpit.
A: Cat installed.
Q: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
A: Took hammer away from midget.